rps²: It's official.
rps2:
Seriously. I feel like I’m gay anathema … I’m just over it. I feel patronized and a “trophy gay” by straight girls and I feel like I can’t crack jokes and talk about what I want too with straight guys. It’s ridiculously lonely sometimes.
Don’t let your sexuality be something that eclipses the rest of your identity and don’t invest so much energy into working out how another person could react to something you do.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about people by hopscotching down the line drawn between what’s acceptable and what’s upsetting, it’s that a lot of the ones I’ve encountered are cowards and an even larger number (there’s overlap of course) are concerned primarily with securing their own comfort and convenience.
These are the people who are too afraid to articulate (or sometimes even fully consider) what they want because of the perceived consequence of it making friction with some popular norm and resulting in social punishment. The sheep types police each other’s behavior, activities, and relationships so severely because it provides reassurance that they themselves aren’t the ones out of line.
It’s gotten to the point that the straightforward expression of anything from, “I want/don’t want to spend time with you,” to, “I want/don’t want to have sex with you,” is considered a symptom of vulnerability and shunned. For a person to not put forward a nice face or to not go through social motions even with someone they don’t particularly like is to stir the water and ignite the bad kind of chatter. Thus, people make small talk and hand out empty agreements to get together at vague times, then socially circle jerk with a group of friends to be reassured that they’re unaccountable for their actions.
Saying you’d wish away your homosexuality given the chance means that you’re falling into the trap of thinking it refers to anything other than your exclusive sexual attraction to men. If you acknowledge the connotations homosexuality has been given within our society as truth, you subscribe to the stereotypes and value judgments ascribed to it by a heterosexist society. Heterosexuality provides the illusion of a greener pasture just because it’s something different and socially sanctioned, but, as with the term “homosexuality”, in actuality only refers to a small and objective part of a person’s overall identity.
For this reason it’s important to challenge the way of thinking of the people around you. If you’re gabbing about intimate experiences with a heterosexual person and they feel the need to make a grossed-out face, ask that person why they find it necessary to constantly assert their discomfort when the subject of homosexual intimacy comes up.
There’s no harm or weirdness in considering sex with a person you’ve just met. I think that, on a large scale, homosexual men (because of the ridiculous things attached to the concept of homosexuality) occupy a really tough place in our society, which hasn’t made any social provisions for non-heteronormative people. For a heterosexual male who embraces the ideals of a heteronormative culture, our society defines women as potential partners and men as potential friends and competitors. Openly homosexual men often find themselves in a strange, blurry area with a floor made of Jello because they are capable of being novelties, friends, emotional crutches, sexual experiments, relationship candidates (even if the feeling isn’t mutual) and accessories for both men and women, which brings me to the overall point of what I’m saying.
It’s important to look at things from a perspective that gives you a great amount of distance from the things that construct the sense of difference. Sexuality will disappear into gender, gender into sex, and sex into humanity. Look at yourself and others as human beings and vocally expect nothing less from the people around you.
